Hello everyone. I can understand the situation, although my situation is a little differant.
I have wanted to talk with somone for a long time, but I thought most people would think I was crazy.
I have read the two pages here and all the messages have been wonderful.
This is going to be long, I am sorry, but there just is no short version.
I met my wife to be on the internet in 92. I enjoyed learning about her and sharing theings about me.
neighter of us had pictures to send so we were able to get to know each other as a person. After abot 6 months I traved to her part of the country to meet her. A little nervous, but i did it.
It was as if God made her just for me. Her language was a little rough, but there is a lot of that up north. We got married, and it was great. She may not win the Miss America, but she was perfect for me. I adored her. When we were apart I thought of her mostly, and when we were together, I could not keep my hands off her. We had friends, hobbies and other things to think about. . . but she was always number one. I guess it is a guy thing, but what pleased me the most, was making her happy.
Life was great. We talked about everything, although she was my favorite in everything. I had a high sex drive and she would tell me how great I was and how she could never get enough of me. Being that my mother was a country girl, I was taught early on cleaning house, cooking, dishes, laundry and such so we shared equally unless the other was sick or working extra hours. After all my mom taught me the easyest way to make a woman happy is to make sure there are no other distractions before trying to get her to relax. We were not like bunnies, although that would of been ok with me. We averaged 2 or 3 times a week, but we took our time. Then in 1999 she told me we needed to talk. She was not angry or anything like that, but she did not want to have anymore sex. Did not seem to be a big deal. I figured we hit a dry spel for a week or so. She explained she wanted us to be sexual, but had no desire. She said she would go to the doctor, but Ifigured I would be able to fix it faster than that. for about the next month, I tried to be extra sweet to her. I did most of the cooking, the laundry and dishes, run her buble bath, got salt to massage her feet with. i thought I would wind her up so much she would have to have sex with me. We went to the doctor, and then to other doctors. Then one day she told me to "STOP". She said she felt like I did not need her, that i was doing everything which just left her to stress about what was wrong with her. Tht confused me, but things went back to normal except for still no sex. After a while she would want to have sex. Out of nowhere she would want us to have sex. I would ask if she was sure, and she would say yes. It would be like the greatest thing in the world for her. i would ask was that OK, did she enjoy and she would say yes, that she missed us doing that, and wanted us to go again in 2 or 3 days. Then it would be a few months, or a year till the next time. After about 5 yrs we decided when we tried we would keep her to one climax. We tried that, and then again about 4 months later, but she said she did not like that. so we went back to what we usually did so about every 4 months to a year. Then we had sex 3 times in the same month. i thought for sure we were headed to recovery. We stopped for about 3 months. . . and after taking a bath, she found a lump. Called the doctor, she sent a sample, and it returned it was cancer. She had the surgery, then the treatments, and they were 100 % sure she was cancer free. About a year later 3 lumps on the other side. This time they going to remove them, then rebuild them like she was in her 20's. She had some complications, ripped open in bed one night, they did more surgery, and left her in a mess. it took about 5 years for her to be up walking around and getting out of the house. It now has been about 7 years without sex, and she wants us to start again. I think we are doing well better without the sex, but she says she needs it. We do and find she has some medical issues, the doctor tells her we just need to work through it. We try every couple of weeks but only till she climax, and then we stop. We did this 3 maybe 4 times. Then she tells me I take too good of care of her. She says it is not normal for guys to be like this. She says I am stuck as her caregiver, I have to stop being so understanding. A week later, she tells me she is leaving in a month. so in a month, she packs up and goes north. She is up there for 3 weeks and I call her daily and it is I do not want her to do anything, I am holding her back, I should not always make her happy. One day, she calls ME !
But this cant be her, she is telling me how great I am, the best Husband, she is so greateful for me, she owes me so much, she can not wait for me to hug her and touch her. So I ask, what I think is the big question "What happened" She says nothing. She says she was never going to leave me. She just needed some space. When I tried to ask more, she got angry. So now,it is just a topic we do not talk to each other about. She came back in Nov 2014. We were active 3 times in one week. Not just for her one time, but for like how we used to. And then we stopped again. Then 4 months later she tells me we are not going to be sexual, or intimate. So we sleep together in the bed, when we get up there is a peck on the lips and if we seperate there is a peck on the lips. So Now, I want to be active again. It took me 3 years to get to the point of not thinking about sex everyday, and I doubt I have another 15 years to be active sexually. But for whatever time is left, I do not want to miss out on holding and loving on a woman. However, I am never going to leave my wife. I take my vows serious, but I feel after 15 years, I should be able to have a woman in my arms. Now I understand that almost no woman wants to be in a situation where a man is going to be loving on her and being sexual and the relationship can not go any further than that. But it would also have to be somone who does not do drugs, smoke, drink, or use foul language. The number one person I want is my wife, but I cant have her, and I wrong for wanting the second best. I look forward to your answers.