The commander felt good about being back on the Wimpy again. The welcoming metal flashing and sterile walls enveloped him in a tranquil comfort. As he waited at the helm for Fogfart to deposit the prisoner in the brig, Zipschitz notified the Intergalactic Space Committee of what had transpired on the planet. He also ordered his favorite meal – peppered pig's pancreas. Fogfart marched back and took her usual position at his side.
“I must change back into my commander's uniform. If the committee catches me in this attire, I'll be slapped with a failure to dazzle demerit.”
On his way to the wardrobe cubicle, Zipschitz decided to check on his cargo. Even though it was just tons of gold, he was responsible for its transport and dumping on the planet Fu.
Oddly, he discovered three sentries outside the receptacle.
“Why are you stationed here?” he asked the female guard who sported a mullet.
“Sir, orders, sir,” she replied.
“Orders? For guarding gold? Step aside,” he said as he opened the door. He could not believe what he saw or what he smelled. This was not gold! Taking a sample, he brought it to his nose. It was a precious cargo of fertilizer. There must be tons.
He stepped back out of the cargo hold, thoughts racing through his head.
“On whose orders are you guarding the cargo hold?” Zipschitz asked, his nostrils still filled with the sweet smell of fertilizer.
“Sir, First Officer Fogfart, sir,” she responded.
Zipschitz turned and darted back to the helm.
“Fogfart! Follow me into my office!” he demanded. She did as ordered.
The commander shut the door manually.
“I have been to the cargo hold. There are tons of fertilizer, the richest mounds I have ever seen. Explain that to me, Fogfart.”
“Well, commander, I sort of lied to you earlier. When you were on that planet welcoming new lifeforms to the galaxy, the Wimpy took a detour.”
“A detour? What are you talking about?”
She sat on the edge of the commander's desk, looked up and sighed.
“Commander, I was told there was a planet...called Earth,” she began.
“I've heard rumors,” Zipschitz said.
“Anyway, I was told the people there value gold more than anything else, even more than fertilizer,” Fogfart said.
“That's absurd,” he said with a wave of his hand. “You'd have to be a fool to believe that.”
She stood up.
“We went to Earth and they were anxious to trade, ton for ton, their fertilizer for our gold. So who's the fool now, commander. The Wimpy is the richest spaceship in ten galaxies.”
“That was not part of our directive, First Officer,” Zipschitz said.
He was interrupted by the door in his office sliding open.
“Oh, Mistress Cora, is thee ready?” a familiar voice sang. It was evil Prince Jackblack.
“What the hell are you doing here?” Zipschitz yelled. “First Officer, explain this to me!”
The prince sauntered into the office and approached Fogfart.
“Get on all fours!” she demanded and the prince dropped down.
“Yes, Mistress,” he whimpered. “Commander, I am nay gay. I am but a man that doth desire a strong woman's touch.”
“We've been communicating telepathically for a while, right, boy?”
He barked like a one-headed dog and licked her boots. She petted Jackblack's head and kicked him in the butt.
“Now you know most of it,” Fogfart said. “Except the part where you are no longer commander. Because of the astounding riches I have accumulated, most of the staff is loyal to only me, now.”
“That's mutiny!”
“Guard,” the first officer said signaling a small man with floppy ears. “Arrest Commander Zipschitz.”
“Dressed like that?” he asked.
Zipschitz bolted out of his office, down the corridor, and to the shuttle compartment where a module inscribed with his name waited and it only responded to his orders. Six armed guards raced after him, careful not to crease their uniforms. Just a pinky away from being caught, the commander jumped into his four-seated module and whisked off, back to the planet.
On their hands and knees, Bradpitt and Wandasyke searched for the Blue Sock. Gwenythpaltrow sat on a rock crying. The appearance of the commander surprised the dark haired beauty.
“Ye hath come back!” She exclaimed running to Zipschitz.
“Only to recruit some of your clan, Bradpitt. The evil Prince Jackblack and First Officer Cora Fogfart have taken over the Wimpy. We must go back and reclaim my spaceship.”
Bradpitt stood up.
“I ask ye only one question – how many and when.”
“My module comfortably seats four but I can take twice that. And as soon as possible.”
Bradpitt marched to Zipschitz.
` “Counteth me as one,” he said, his voice so loud it synged an acre of new plant growth.
Gwenythpaltrow wrapped her arms around the commander.
“Whither thou goest, I go,”
“Sorry, Commander, but I have floors that needeth to be watered,” Wandasyke said still on her hands and knees searching for the Blue Sock.
“Can you get others, Bradpitt?” Zipschitz asked.
“Yea, I can, Commander, but first, I must hire thee band and secure raffle tickets.”
Zipschitz shook his head and kicked some dirt beneath his feet.
“That's much too long, Bradpitt. I asked the cook to prepare peppered pig's pancreas for dinner and it gets dried out on the second day.”
Wandasyke shot up.
“What did thee say? Did mine ears hear ye right? Peppered Pig's Pancreas?”
“Yes, you're familiar with this gastronomical delight, Wandasyke?”
“Nay, but I knowest of thy Bunny pellet. Twas the prince that swallowed one before he left!”
Gwenythpaltrow and Bradpitt gasped.
“Ye knew not, commander, but the Bunny pellet tis a laxative...” she began.
“And an explosive!” Bradpitt finished.
“With one sniffeth of thee pepper, Prince Jackblack wilt sneeze and ...”
KERBLOOM!
Fertilizer, bits of metal and a pink lace chemise rained down upon the group.
“The humanity!” Zipschitz cried. “And my Wimpy.”
“Fertilizer! I am thee richest man in all the land!” thundered Bradpitt, catching handfulls of the valuable compost.
“Come, Blip, darling.” Gwenythpaltrow said, urging the still-stunned commander. “We shall walketh proudly. And by thee way, who sayeth nay to a mistress of all the land.” The couple disappeared into the stacks of yellow plants, she wearing one Blue Sock on her left foot.

The End
lol RAINY,, that is wayyyyy too much to digest,,, so I will copy and paste to read at my leisure.. I know you write great stuff,, don't wanna miss it..

Sylvia