When I left to return home, she was in tears and said she had been alone for too long (my father died 7 years ago) and she needed to be nearer to the family and that I had no idea what it was to be 93 and that she can't cope any more. She has always been so positive and has never appeared to feel sorry for herself in the past, so this has come as a huge surprise to me.
She is fine mentally but is physically very doddery and can't walk far. She suffers a lot of pain following a back injury some years ago. She lives in a small cottage, which my parents bought as a derelict and created the most beautiful haven for themselves in the countryside. She has lived there for 25 years and my father's ashes are buried there. Neighbours take her out to shops and hairdressers and garden centres and for meals out. I go to visit at least once a month.
For 3 years I have lived alone with my two dogs and for the first time in my life am learning to be me and enjoying my independence.. I love not having to answer to anyone or to live to anyone else's schedule. Now I am facing having a stairlift and a disabled bath fitted in my house and caring for my elderly Mum 24/7. my life will be changed totally. Inevitably her health will decline and she will need increased care. This could go on for many years.
My question is....do I make a totally selfish decision or a totally unselfish one. I love her dearly...she is my mum. I am 66 and full of beans. Friends have variously told me to 'do it' and others 'don't do it'.
Would gratefully appreciate any input from 50+ members who have faced the same dilemma, any opinions or advice or suggestions.and similar experiences.