For anyone who is considering entering a relationship that has complications attached, I want to put a poem here.  I had just come out of an abusive relationship and needed to go to the women's centre for help and counselling.  They gave me this poem to read and it struck me so hard that I was contributing to my own situations and these choices could be changed.  I am putting it here for others and I hope it helps....Fern

Autobiography In Five Short Chapters

 Chapter I
 I walk down the street.
 There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
 I fall in. I am lost... I am hopeless.
It isn't my fault.
 It takes forever to find a way out.

 Chapter II
 I walk down the same street.
 There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
 I pretend I don't see it. I fall in again.
 I can't believe I am in this same place.
But it isn't my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.

 Chapter III
 I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it there.
I still fall in... it's a habit... but, my eyes are open.
I know where I am. It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

 Chapter IV
 I walk down the same street.
 There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

 Chapter V
 I walk down another street.

 - Portia Nelson 
Sorry you had to go through such pain Fern, I am dealing with problems of the Heart right now also, thank you for posting this poem.  Jen
I passed up an opportunity because I did not think I could handle a big change. Instead I accepted one that was similar but turned out to be worse. You just don't know what you are going to get. I regret it now because it is too late. Or is it? I just don't know. 
Monday I'm going to see my Doctor and annoy him. I want answers, I want tests And I want answers that involve more than taking more pills and getting home support for longer. I want a life, and it doesn't have to be much of one just one I can share with a like minded person. But mostly I want to know why I feel so crappy.

Changing diet for the cholesterol helped with the blood pressure but I don't feel any better. I'm going to be optimistic and order my seeds. Basics only. 

I know one thing, I will take no abuse any longer whether in a relationship or from family. Life is too short to be a door mat. I am though willing to compromise for the better good. 
fernmeadow wrote: For anyone who is considering entering a relationship that has complications attached, I want to put a poem here.  I had just come out of an abusive relationship and needed to go to the women's centre for help and counselling.  They gave me this poem to read and it struck me so hard that I was contributing to my own situations and these choices could be changed.  I am putting it here for others and I hope it helps....Fern

Autobiography In Five Short Chapters

 Chapter I
 I walk down the street.
 There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
 I fall in. I am lost... I am hopeless.
It isn't my fault.
 It takes forever to find a way out.

 Chapter II
 I walk down the same street.
 There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
 I pretend I don't see it. I fall in again.
 I can't believe I am in this same place.
But it isn't my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.

 Chapter III
 I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it there.
I still fall in... it's a habit... but, my eyes are open.
I know where I am. It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

 Chapter IV
 I walk down the same street.
 There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

 Chapter V
 I walk down another street.

 - Portia Nelson 


It is one of the lovely poem for people who are in that situation. What you been through will make you a better person, as the saying goes, " There is a light at the end of every tunnel".

Fern, keep your chin up and enjoy your self and even reward yourself for what you accomplish so far.
I agree there is light at the end of the tunnel, but you have to be brave to reach it. I was also in a very abusive situation for many years and carry huge guilt for not having the courage to escape it sooner and save my children from the terrible memories that I know they still carry. I did leave, it was very hard as my confidence was at an all time low, we left with nothing but the clothes on our backs it was tough but worth it. It had taken me 12 years to do it.
After a while I met a wonderful man and he loved us all and slowly we built a great life. 
I think that poem is so true for me.
Good luck Fern it gets easier.  
                                               Mac 
True that you have to be brave to reach it, the courage to reach it too, once you get there, you will be glad and so much happier. :)
All you ladies are very brave and I am sorry you have to go through that. it is not that easy to get out of a relationships like that but you did and that whats counts.your stories will give other women and men hope and the strength to say enough is enough, I deserve better.  the truth is you do deserve better   :D
Well said Mort
I have courage beyond my own belief.
livefree you are a good example to us all x
Macora wrote: I agree there is light at the end of the tunnel, but you have to be brave to reach it. I was also in a very abusive situation for many years and carry huge guilt for not having the courage to escape it sooner and save my children from the terrible memories that I know they still carry. I did leave, it was very hard as my confidence was at an all time low, we left with nothing but the clothes on our backs it was tough but worth it. It had taken me 12 years to do it.
After a while I met a wonderful man and he loved us all and slowly we built a great life. 
I think that poem is so true for me.
Good luck Fern it gets easier.  
                                               Mac 



Thanks Mac but that was many, many years ago and I have long since moved passed the experience as far as my own pain goes.  A person really cannot stay in any kind of rut emotionally or they simply will go back and forth and never get out.  I put this poem here because I was chatting to someone on the site who was having issues making decisions of a similar kind.  I felt others could benefit as well as I did.  The experiences we have can either strengthen us or weaken us....I prefer the former.  And on we walk through life.
stardaisy wrote:
fernmeadow wrote: For anyone who is considering entering a relationship that has complications attached, I want to put a poem here.  I had just come out of an abusive relationship and needed to go to the women's centre for help and counselling.  They gave me this poem to read and it struck me so hard that I was contributing to my own situations and these choices could be changed.  I am putting it here for others and I hope it helps....Fern

Autobiography In Five Short Chapters

 Chapter I
 I walk down the street.
 There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
 I fall in. I am lost... I am hopeless.
It isn't my fault.
 It takes forever to find a way out.

 Chapter II
 I walk down the same street.
 There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
 I pretend I don't see it. I fall in again.
 I can't believe I am in this same place.
But it isn't my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.

 Chapter III
 I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it there.
I still fall in... it's a habit... but, my eyes are open.
I know where I am. It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

 Chapter IV
 I walk down the same street.
 There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

 Chapter V
 I walk down another street.

 - Portia Nelson 


It is one of the lovely poem for people who are in that situation. What you been through will make you a better person, as the saying goes, " There is a light at the end of every tunnel".

Fern, keep your chin up and enjoy your self and even reward yourself for what you accomplish so far.



Thanks Stardaisy for your kind words.  These events took place a very long time ago and since then I have had other challenges to face.  I think I face each new one with that inner courage I never new I had till it had to come forward.  I think we all here who have had any kind of challenge go deep inside and dig up what they never realized they had.  In a strange way these events can come to show us exactly who we are as women and bring to the forefront our strengths.  It can also reveal to us what needs changing in ourselves so although unpleasant at the time casting my mind back I can see exactly what kind of a person I am and what needed correction.  So I chose to accept the experience as a friend and now continue on to learn other things.  ...Blessings ....Fern
Breakups and Revenge


Revenge Your Ex

Each day hundreds of men and women seek revenge on their ex-mates for a
variety of reasons, usually because they got dumped or where cheated on.
Revenge comes in many ways. It typically starts by using social media to
vent, and then escalates from there. Now sites like "Get Revenge On Your Ex"
for a fee will help you get pay back or revenge.

So what is the best way to get revenge besides slashing her tires, posting
nude photos of her and so on.

The best way according to the web site Right Choices 101 is to live your
life well. This is true no matter who you are seeking revenge on. Coworkers,
past bosses, bad friends or ex-lovers. Put your energy into succeeding and
enjoying your life, not wasting your time, energy and resources on revenge
that can end up costing you much more. Plus, when you seek revenge, you send
them a massage that you have not gotten over the relationship. It's much
better to show you are indifferent and don't care.

According to Kenneth Agee of A Foreign Affair, a service that specializes in
helping men find young beautiful foreign women, "The best revenge is to date
or marry a women 10 years younger than your ex. This will piss her off to no
end. No woman ever wants to be replaced with a younger, more attractive
woman. Just like a man never likes to get replaced by a guy who is wealthier
or more successful.

I will never forget one of my first clients we took to Saint Petersburg,
Russia." says Agee, "The client told me that two days on our tour was better
than two years of therapy. Having hundreds of attractive women fighting over
you gets your ex out of your mind pretty quick.

I personally went through break up when my ex ran off with another man. But
a short time later, I met a new lady who was ten times better. I ran into
that man who stole my ex and I gave him a big thanks. In fact, I could not
thank him enough. He was stuck with an older nagging women, while I was now
with a young, beautiful, caring women. Plus, my ex had gained about 100
pounds. I don't look at that fellow as any kind of enemy but as the person
who saved me from my ex and years of suffering." This is the best a revenge
when you win without lowering yourself.

Other sites like "Get Over Her Now" give practical advice and tips for
getting over a past relationship.

Top Tips from Get Over Her Now:

Start making platonic relationships with as many women as possible, old,
young, skinny, fat, cute or ugly. This greatly helps you get back in the
game of socializing with the opposite sex. And it opens up lots
opportunities to meet their cute attractive friends in a more relaxed
environment. This also helps you build your game and confidence.

Improve yourself, start working out, get up early every day and exercise.

Buy new clothes. Dressing better makes you feel better and improves your
confidence.

Focus on work and getting a promotion or raise. Don't let a break up effect
your work negatively. Put that extra effort into work and it will pay off
with a better position and more money. This will also build your confidence
and help attract better quality women.

Any time you are depressed, improving yourself helps greatly. When you feel
depressed, don't sit and watch TV and then sleep-in late. Get out and do
something that will make you feel like you've accomplished something. Take a
class, go hiking, fix something you've been putting off.

Don't start drinking. Drinking will always have a negative impact on your
life. Don't drink while depressed or when you are trying to get over some
one. After all, drinking is for celebrating. So if you are not celebrating
something, don't drink. A quality women is not going to be attracted to
someone who drinks a lot or has a drinking problem.

Don't sleep in; sleeping late increases depression. Get up as early as you
can and go for a walk, take a hike, or go to the Gym. Research shows getting
up early and exercising can eliminate depression. You will have no game be
depressed.

Don't binge eat. If you start gaining weight, you will feel less self-worth
and lose your confidence. Confidence is a quality that women are extremely
attracted to.

Conclusion, the best revenge is when you improve your life so well that she
realizes she made a big mistake. And satisfaction comes when you meet
someone so much better, you are glad the ex is gone. After all, if you are
seeking revenge, how great could she really have been in the first place!
Fern this is so beautiful I want to share my story
My son passed away in 2007 in a car accident and my ex was bringing his girlfriend to our home immediately and left 4 months later to move in with her. The stress of my sons death then my divorce has caused so much havoc in my life I try to live normally but trust is a huge issue, you give me hope reading this that there is better out there for me thank you for sharing your story! 
Fern beautiful words to a beautiful peom, you have went through a lot my love, but that hole just kept opening up to you but now there is that one last hole in that new street which you have never walked round it nor have you fell in it, so this is now the final part to chapter V

I Walk down Another Street
There is a Deep Deep Hole
This Hole is Full Of Love
I fall in It and Live Happily Ever After

Anon
I love story book endings Bill.