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[morton1]

just wanted to know if there was anybody with any advice they could give me.i dont want to bring back any painfull memorys for anyone.its takeing me alot of guts to write an to ask this an am still not sure am doin the right thing.i lost my 20yr old daughter, she killed her self.she had a 3yr old son.an what it is,when i meet people one of the first thing they ask is do you have children an how many.thats when i dont how to respond.if i say three they start to ask about them an when i tell them about the daughter i lost,i know how arkward they feel an i feel bad for them.they would rather avoid me.i understand why they do it ,because they dont know what to say.if i say i have two daughters then i feel like have betraid the daughter i lost,it would be like saying she didnt exsist.i lost alot of friends over the years including my best friend.please dont advice me to seek couseling done that it was no help.so how do i respond?

[airforce1]

My admiration to you for the courage to ask this question. My advice would be to repond, " I have three children but my daugher died x years ago." There is no need to give any explanation or reason. If they persist, just say it is too painful for me to discuss right now. I think most people would be sensitive enough to understand. Hope this has been of some help.

[morton1]

My admiration to you for the courage to ask this question. My advice would be to repond, " I have three children but my daugher died x years ago." There is no need to give any explanation or reason. If they persist, just say it is too painful for me to discuss right now. I think most people would be sensitive enough to understand. Hope this has been of some help.

few people are understanding,but most of the time they would avoid you.thats what hurts.i cut my self of over the years to avoid the problem, i didnt want to make people feel uncomfortable.

[mellowman27]

August 17th would have been my son's 35 th birthday. He only lived 84 days and died in his sleep, perfectly healthy, from sudden infant death syndrom. I am proud to speak of the short life he lived and the fact God gave me a son for awhile. Your daughter lived longer and died by her own hand but she was your child. She found life too hard to deal with. I was married at 17 yrs old, lost a son, divorced twice, and have lived alone for 18 years now. I have contemplated suicide myself on many occassions. I think most people have faced the thought. Your daughter lived! I believe you should speak openly and honestly about her situation and her end. Other people's comfort should not be your concern. Her life was; her end is sad but the telling of the truth of it can only help others face the reality of suicide. We do not catch the tenderest heart's journey's. Some lives are too short but I believe they are all lived for a purpose. My son's 84 day visit has stayed with me and his mother as well as his 38 yr old sister our entire lives. Your daughter's story and her memory should live on in your expression of love and pain at her loss. Life is not easy for anyone. Her life had a purpose. It may be to spark interest in the subject of suicide for the betterment of those in contemplation of it. It may be for you to have a pocket in your heart that keeps you sane and safe. My son's story lives now in you; her's can live in any heart you tell.......prayers for your journey......Neil

[Postman]

Hiya Morton. I agree totally with what one or two others have recommended you do on here love. Just simply say, if you are pushed on the matter, that it is to awkward for you to talk about at the moment, and quickly move on, but if i were you ?, be proud of your daughter, as no doubt you are. You, along with all other Mums, rate their own daughters as the very best, and i suspect yours are no different, so, chin up, i'm sure there are plenty of 'ears to bend' on here, whenever they're needed, and shoulders to cry on to, so you're never alone love. Stay safe. x

[Graham1]

Hi Morton,
I agree with a lot of what mellowman and postman said. Many of us have lost loved ones although the loss of a child is more tragic as we never expect to outlive our children.
I have been in this club for 2 1/2 years as a member and more recently as a Community Manager and have heard lots of stories of peoples lives and losses which in some cases led them to look for friends online.
I really believe that our children are special to us and on the rare sad occasions when we lose them, they will always live on in our hearts and minds and we should feel free to talk about them at any time.
There will always be people who are uncomfortable or embarassed about how to respond to your story but I feel that people who care and are worth getting to know will be sympathetic and understanding.
It is a good that you can be open and honest enough to ask this question and whether you look for a friend or a partner, openness and honesty are great qualities to start with and no relationship or friendship can be true without them.

[morton1]

August 17th would have been my son's 35 th birthday. He only lived 84 days and died in his sleep, perfectly healthy, from sudden infant death syndrom. I am proud to speak of the short life he lived and the fact God gave me a son for awhile. Your daughter lived longer and died by her own hand but she was your child. She found life too hard to deal with. I was married at 17 yrs old, lost a son, divorced twice, and have lived alone for 18 years now. I have contemplated suicide myself on many occassions. I think most people have faced the thought. Your daughter lived! I believe you should speak openly and honestly about her situation and her end. Other people's comfort should not be your concern. Her life was; her end is sad but the telling of the truth of it can only help others face the reality of suicide. We do not catch the tenderest heart's journey's. Some lives are too short but I believe they are all lived for a purpose. My son's 84 day visit has stayed with me and his mother as well as his 38 yr old sister our entire lives. Your daughter's story and her memory should live on in your expression of love and pain at her loss. Life is not easy for anyone. Her life had a purpose. It may be to spark interest in the subject of suicide for the betterment of those in contemplation of it. It may be for you to have a pocket in your heart that keeps you sane and safe. My son's story lives now in you; her's can live in any heart you tell.......prayers for your journey......Neil

HI ,an thank you so much for reading about my problem.Its sad about your son my heart goes out to you.your right in what you say,many a time I thought of suicide my self.but one thing I did learn from my daughters death was the pain she left behind, I couldnt put my family threw it all again.

[morton1]

Hiya Morton. I agree totally with what one or two others have recommended you do on here love. Just simply say, if you are pushed on the matter, that it is to awkward for you to talk about at the moment, and quickly move on, but if i were you ?, be proud of your daughter, as no doubt you are. You, along with all other Mums, rate their own daughters as the very best, and i suspect yours are no different, so, chin up, i'm sure there are plenty of 'ears to bend' on here, whenever they're needed, and shoulders to cry on to, so you're never alone love. Stay safe. x

 Thank you,for takeing the time to read what I wrote,but most of all thanks for your reply. 

[morton1]

Hi Morton,
I agree with a lot of what mellowman and postman said. Many of us have lost loved ones although the loss of a child is more tragic as we never expect to outlive our children.
I have been in this club for 2 1/2 years as a member and more recently as a Community Manager and have heard lots of stories of peoples lives and losses which in some cases led them to look for friends online.
I really believe that our children are special to us and on the rare sad occasions when we lose them, they will always live on in our hearts and minds and we should feel free to talk about them at any time.
There will always be people who are uncomfortable or embarassed about how to respond to your story but I feel that people who care and are worth getting to know will be sympathetic and understanding.
It is a good that you can be open and honest enough to ask this question and whether you look for a friend or a partner, openness and honesty are great qualities to start with and no relationship or friendship can be true without them.

I understand what your saying about honesty,an your right.any kind of relationship as to be built up from trust.you have to trust a person to be honest with you an you with them.an am trying to learn how to trust again. thank you to,for takeing the time to read an to reply to me.

[bluelight3]

[quoteiv just read about your daughter Morton, im So sorry.. My young nephew age 29 killed his self in jan this year. My sister avoids going out so she dont have to answer questions, and at the funeral she told everyone he had liver problems and thats why he died. But I tell everyone the truth about how he died because it takes people out of there comfort zone, it doesent do them any harm to become awaire that some people cant handle things and leads them to take there own life. But I do understand what you mean.
I know its not the same thing but when im asked how many children iv got I say one. Truth is I have 3. The 2 eldest poss "hate me" because I had a mental breakdown after the birth of the youngest, and they were left with a man who physically abused them. I wait untill im sure i can trust the person before I tell them about my 2 eldest children.But when I say one child, I do feel very guilty.
Again, im so sorry about the loss of your daughter. Big hug x

[morton1]

[quote="bluelight3"][quoteiv just read about your daughter Morton, im So sorry.. My young nephew age 29 killed his self in jan this year. My sister avoids going out so she dont have to answer questions, and at the funeral she told everyone he had liver problems and thats why he died. But I tell everyone the truth about how he died because it takes people out of there comfort zone, it doesent do them any harm to become awaire that some people cant handle things and leads them to take there own life. But I do understand what you mean.
I know its not the same thing but when im asked how many children iv got I say one. Truth is I have 3. The 2 eldest poss "hate me" because I had a mental breakdown after the birth of the youngest, and they were left with a man who physically abused them. I wait untill im sure i can trust the person before I tell them about my 2 eldest children.But when I say one child, I do feel very guilty.
Again, im so sorry about the loss of your daughter. Big hug x[/  Thank you bluelight, I know why your sister did what she did.an am sorry about your two children, it must be a hard for you to go threw that. I to had a mental breakdown when I lost my daughter,your a brave women an I hope things get better for you. one hug coming your way x.

[HawkeyeBill]

Hello Morton,That's a simple question to answer:anyone worth having would not turn you away because you lost your daughter.I'm very sorry for your loss.I was very recently asked by a member here to write a poem for her close friend who just lost her son the same way.I posted them at the v end of a thread started by Snowflake in the Lounge.They might bring you some comfort too.She asked me to write a prayer shortly after and I volunteered a 3rd one.I have several poems in that thread so go to the last 3 in the thread.I wash you well.God bless

[HawkeyeBill]

Me again,I just to a quick look at your profile.The lady I mentioned is also in England,her friend lives in Ireland.God bless

[morton1]

Me again,I just to a quick look at your profile.The lady I mentioned is also in England,her friend lives in Ireland.God bless

HI hawqguy, did read the poems there lovely, an thank you for taking the time to reply.God bless you to.