Service and Support

This is the place to discuss the ‘dating game‘ or ‘dating reality", falling in love the second time again, what ‘romance" means to you and why some great friendships never meant to be a ‘relationship".

Postby Chokko » 05.05.2013, 18:24

How long should you wait for dating again?  Always do what is up to you, there is no specific time.  Every person is different, some start seeking a new partner right away, some few months later, some many years later, and for some never.  Widows and widowers are confronted with a breakup, a terminal physical breakup but it is not a psychological one.  The breakup caused by the death is unwelcome.  Our partner's memory will always be with us and it is normal. The survivor's love does not die with the partner death.   For many people, without love, life may seem worthless, and without love many people fell that a large part of them is dead.   All that is left is loneliness. Not everyone will understand why you are dating again, all matters it that you are ready.  You do not need to justify your ations to anyone else...  
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Postby stardaisy » 05.05.2013, 21:15

Chokko wrote:How long should you wait for dating again?  Always do what is up to you, there is no specific time.  Every person is different, some start seeking a new partner right away, some few months later, some many years later, and for some never.  Widows and widowers are confronted with a breakup, a terminal physical breakup but it is not a psychological one.  The breakup caused by the death is unwelcome.  Our partner's memory will always be with us and it is normal. The survivor's love does not die with the partner death.   For many people, without love, life may seem worthless, and without love many people fell that a large part of them is dead.   All that is left is loneliness. Not everyone will understand why you are dating again, all matters it that you are ready.  You do not need to justify your actions to anyone else...  


Well said. I believe that each person are to each own, how they love one another and what they do with each other such as going out and doing things or just sit around the house has a large bearing on loosing that love one. It could be a sudden death or it could be a lengthily illness, those are some factors of it that will affect the surviving partner. Family and friends that are around for that time will help heal that sore broken heart. Each one grief differently.
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Postby Chokko » 05.05.2013, 21:21

Thank you Starkitkat!   :)  
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Postby amdbankh » 06.05.2013, 5:14

I read your post. What an awesome question? I asked that of myself many times. It is coming up to 4 years since I lost my husband very suddenly. I Thought at times that I wanted another relationship and then backed away. Each of us grieve in our own time and in our own way. It is not what everybody else thinks. It is what you think. You will know when you are ready. Having loving friends and family ease the burden a bit. For myself, I believe that I am ready to start living my life again and with that being said, I am ready to find that special person again -- to fill my days and nights. To be there for each other and to build another loving relationship. I will never let my husband go, he will always be in my heart but i believe everyone has the capablility to love again.
Take care and God bless you and may you find the inner strength to know when it is right for you.
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Postby Chokko » 06.05.2013, 10:59

Thank you Amdbankh.  I also asked myself that question so many time since 2 years and a half,  but always backed away.  Now, I do not know.   :roll:  There is still a fear inside.  Even if I want to love again, I do not know if my heart will want to love again one day.  I hope I will know...   
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Postby Chokko » 06.05.2013, 17:15

Taking the first step is always the most difficult but once you take it everything else falls in place and you begin to wonder why you were scared of taking the step.  - Nishan Panwar.  
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Postby Silver_Fox2805 » 24.05.2013, 0:40

If you love someone very deeply it is difficult to let them go.

But let them go you must...there is a time after bereavement when you must get your thoughts  Toghther and really be strong....really be strong.

Dont put a figure on the time you must wait....everybody is different ...when it is right you will know ...don't feel guilty ...really trust your instincts.

And have faith in God 
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Postby Chokko » 24.05.2013, 1:01

Thank you so much Silver_Fox.    :)
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Postby wings58 » 27.05.2013, 3:52

Good question Chokko it will be a while for me Fred will be a hard act to follow he was a gent good natured.One day I will be in love again I am only 59 but I will keep my Fred in my memories
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Postby Chokko » 27.05.2013, 4:29

Thank you Wings!  Yes, one day you will love again... and yes, you will keep Fred in your memories always.  He will be always in your memory, but one day a new love will come for you.  Take care!  
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Postby verazati » 28.05.2013, 9:01

We are not held back by the love we didn't receive in the past,
but by the love we're not extending in the present
.

- Marianne Williamson
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Postby Chokko » 28.05.2013, 11:53

Thanks Verazati!  Lovely... :)
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Postby toxophun » 31.05.2013, 13:14

How long should a woman wait to date after being widowed?  At least until after the funeral.
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Postby Chokko » 31.05.2013, 14:10

Thank you Toxophun.  I hope that men also wait at least until the funeral...  "LOSING a loved one is a TERRIBLE thing and very PAINFUL.  When a man or a woman truly LOVED with all his or her heart, a man or a woman will wait after the funaral and even long after, because nobody can REPLACE a loved one.  It is the MOST painful thing in the WORLD."  Chokko.
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Postby tricia13 » 31.05.2013, 23:37

It is an individual choice - my first husband died very suddenly at 29 years old and I made a choice to raise my family alone as my emotions were frozen and remained so for many years. I did remarry after 14 years but sadly my husband suffered from depression and committed suicide 6 months ago. At this moment I never want to love anyone again as I feel betrayed and angry that I never had the chance to say goodbye in either case. I am sure that most widowed people will instinctively know when the time is right, if ever, to start a new relationship or may decide, like me, that another relationship is not for them. Whichever you decide I wish you well.
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